Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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