My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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