We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize