Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
