I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
