Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
