I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
