There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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