She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
