I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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