We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
