I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
