Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
