i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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