Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
