Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
