Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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