There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
