I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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