my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
