Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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