he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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