I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dick has a subreddit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
