even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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