Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
