Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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