I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
