I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
