I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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