my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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