I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
