She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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