so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize