just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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