Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
