Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
