I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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