There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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