I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dick very happy bro
wow bdsm is so cute
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
