I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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