im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
