Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
