the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
