I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
