i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
