6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize