I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
