5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
