I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
