Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
