Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
