I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
