Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
