I'm jealous of your bromance
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
