In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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