Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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