i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
