And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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