trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
