I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
