at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Randomize
