Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
