Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
