This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
