what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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