I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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