Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
