I just pynch a tree in the face
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
