I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
