5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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