She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
