how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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