dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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