I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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