I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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