I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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