This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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