Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize