Moan for me like Helen Keller
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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