am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
