Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize