When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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