so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
