I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
