No, you can still breathe under the balls.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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