A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Text me some of your sweat
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
