that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
