Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
