They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
