Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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