Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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