yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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